Thursday, July 22, 2010
Patience, My Constant Battle
The first virtue I want to obtain is patience. I have wanted to obtain patience in the past but quite honestly, I was afraid of asking God for patience. I knew He would not grant me immediate patience. No, God does not help us spiritually that way. If I asked for patience, God would give me countless opportunities to grow in patience. So for many years, I held back asking God to make me a more patient person, thinking I could avoid many trials and tribulations that way.
It was only recently that I understood that anger is linked to impatience. I had never thought of it like that before. In my mind, I really believed that being impatient was one thing and being angry was quite another thing. Yet, when I reflected on impatience/anger, it made sense. If I had been patient, I would not have lost my temper. If I had not been angry, I would have the peace and patience to deal with whatever situation came my way, no matter how unpleasant.
Well, after much procrastination in this area, I finally decided to ask God to help me be a more patient person. But then I made the mistake of forgetting that I had asked God for this grace.
It happened almost immediately, but it seemed like the world was out to get me. AFTER, losing my patience and complaining about these crosses, I realized that God had answered my prayers but I was to blind to see and appreciate the opportunities that came my way until it was too late.
God is so good and so forgiving, that each day I am given a new day that I can begin again to try to achieve patience. Each morning at Mass, all my venial sins are forgiven. Each morning at Mass, I tell God I am sorry for not being patient the day before and I promise to try to do better that day.
The day isn't over yet but I have already failed so many times today.
I figured that if I share my struggles with you here, it will help me better remember my promise to God, to carry my little crosses without complaining.
Although, Father Scupoli in his book Spiritual Combat could not put a time table on how long it would take to achieve each virtue, he did give a rough estimate of a few weeks. Just to let you know, I think it will take me longer than that but I am determined to try harder. Just so you know, the next virtue on my list is humility. I am not quite ready to face humiliations just yet. But by the time I get to that virtue, I hope I have the strength with God's grace, to do so.