The Hair Salon and Talking

The other evening I watched a 1939 movie The Women starring Norma Shearer. The plot revolved around mindless gossip with the manicurist and how it ended up destroying a marriage. Believe it or not, I think it was a comedy.



Today while waiting to get my hair cut I sat reading a hair salon magazine's article that captured my attention. That article tackled the problem of gossiping at hair salons. It also gave pretty good advice on how to avoid gossiping when a stylist is cutting hair. I guess because it was a hair salon magazine, the blame seemed to lay on the shoulders of the clientele. It was still good to know that the hair cutting industry did address a problem like gossip.

My reading was interrupted though by one of the stylists and her customer. In a very loud voice the hair stylist went on and on about her weekend, her family, her children...ad nauseum. Then she would stop and ask her customer all kinds of questions about her life. Maybe they knew each other. I don't know. It just seemed that whether or not we wanted to, we had to be privy to their conversation.

I started to observe the other stylist. I noticed she was very quiet and seemed to be paying much attention to the way she cut her older customer's hair. In fact, both ladies were very quiet.

Then it was my turn with the quiet stylist. Ironically, it seemed to me that I was going to be the chatterbox as I proceeded to make small talk as soon as I sat down. But after telling her just how I wanted my hair cut, we both fell into a mutual silence.

It occurred to me that the talkative stylist was not gossiping. She was freely sharing about her own life and her own family. She was asking questions out of making conversation more than gossiping.

But that brings me to another observation. Once a person is in the stylist chair, they seem to feel a strong compulsion to share their entire life story with the stylist. It makes no difference in the gender either. The talkative stylist's next customer was a man. I noticed that the stylist did not ask him any direct questions. Yet, this guy felt a need to share about his trip, his job, etc. It felt uncomfortable knowing so much about these strangers.

...In the same way the tongue is a small member and yet has great pretensions. Consider how small a fire can set a huge forest ablaze.

The tongue is also a fire. It exists among our members as a world of malice, defiling the whole body and setting the entire course of our lives on fire, itself set on fire by Gehenna.

For every kind of beast and bird, of reptile and sea creature, can be tamed and has been tamed by the human species, but no human being can tame the tongue. It is a restless evil, full of deadly poison.

Scripture Source

It may be very prudent if we keep a rein over our tongue.  Think before speaking, yes.  But maybe more beneficial to us, pray before speaking.

Spiritual Guidance: On Guarding Our Speech

Photo of a very silent forest on Molokai

In his book Spiritual Combat, Father Lorenzo Scupoli writes in detail on controlling one's speech. From the beginning of time, it is that small part of the body that causes the greatest harm when ill used. I have made a sort of Do's and Don't List from the counsel given by Dom Scupoli:

- Do not engage in lengthy conversation.

- Do not speak loudly.

- Do not speak in a dictatorial manner.

- Do not speak of yourself or of your doings.

- Do not speak of your family (unless it is absolutely necessary).

- DO speak of God, especially of His love and goodness.

Better still,

- DO listen to others speak of Him.

- DO ponder well in your heart, the thoughts that enter into your mind, BEFORE speaking.

- DO think frequently about the evils and dangers of talkativeness.

- Do keep silence even when you may lawfully speak. ("provided that no prejudice arises from it to your neighbor or to yourself.)

On Silence:

- it is a safe stronghold in the spiritual battle and a sure pledge of victory.

- it is a friend of him who distrusts self and trusts in God.

- it is the guardian of the spirit of prayer and a wonderful help in the attainment of virtues.

"...to keep aloof from conversation will be more helpful, because, instead of men, you will have for your companions the angels, the saints, and God Himself..."

Spiritual Combat available at Sophia Press.

The Tongue

A Catholic Life shares a chapter from a book, on the care of the tongue. The entire post is worthwhile reading. In fact, this book is now on my must read list.

As I was reading the post, one of my mom's Spanish cliches came to mind:

En boca cerrada no entran moscss. In other words, flies don't enter a closed mouth.

One of my resolutions this year has been to think before speaking. It is only the 14th day of the year and so many times I have failed. I know this will help me and I hope it helps others too.

The following are excerpts from the chapter:

...He who cannot govern his tongue is like a city without walls, which is exposed on all sides. Without the grace of God, however, it is next to an impossibility to tame it...

...Be prudent in every conversation, suppressing that immoderate inclination which rashly hurries most people on to pass sentence upon their neighbor without due examination and deference to the case in question...

...Before you speak, consult your conscience—as to whether you be influenced by any evil passion—nor should you permit your tongue to say a word until that influence cease; otherwise, you shall say many things of which you shall afterwards have to repent...

...Your conversation ought not to be of an idle nature. You ought to be as particular in the choice of your words as you are in that of your food...

...Accustom yourself to speak much with yourself and little with others...

...Many have fallen into great disputes because they revealed their secrets to imprudent persons to whom they ought not to have confided them. Usually, to tell a thing to one person is the same as telling it to many. A word easily flies from one to another, and from these to all...

...You ought to say nothing of which it would be better to keep a profound silence. Stinginess in words is more praiseworthy than that in money...

...Christ Himself, when living among men, did not escape the scourge of the tongue. Imitate Jesus and the Saints in their example of patience...

Source: Chapter XI, CARE OF THE TONGUE

[Extracted from The Hand that Leads to Heaven by Cardinal Giovanni Bona, 1881. republished by TAN Books under the title Guidance to Heaven.]